In particular, I'm talking to the young women out there who are still finding their way, (hopefully) enjoying their youth and trying to make sense of modern relationships.
I presume that you are going to have sex anyway. Of course the only foolproof way to avoid pregnancy is no sex. If you are having sex, there is always a risk but you can make it a much much smaller risk by using contraception.
I'm not going to even address the issues of morality or religion, because you probably get that all day long. And does it really help?
So, girlfriend, if you are going to fool around:
- First and foremost, love yourself. By that I mean - think of yourself first. Just because he wants to shag you, doesn't mean he loves you. Do you want to have sex? Or do you want to make him happy?
- Don't have sex without a condom. Don't. Really don't. The consequences far far outweigh the pleasure and you can catch all sorts of nasty diseases.
- Remember that the guy is labelled a "rascal" while the girl is labelled the bitch-slut-whore-going-to-hell. It's just not worth it. Imagine how you will face your family and horrible relatives. Think of all the things that you want to do with your life...do you really want to have a baby now? Think about money. How will you cope? Do you really want to end up marrying someone under these circumstances?
- To be absolutely frank - do not let him put his penis into your vagina or even near your vagina without a condom. Don't believe him if he says he will pull out. What, stop when the pleasure is at its peak? Yeah right. Even if he says he can do it, the penis produces lubrication before ejaculation that can contain sperm. So you can get pregnant even if he doesn't come in you.
- Condoms work. Do not believe anyone who tells you that condoms don't work. Men say that because they don't want to wear them. Religious youth leaders say that because they think that they can scare you out of sex by lying to you. OK, stats show that there is a 3% risk and sometimes they split - but if you are going to have sex (and you are not on the Pill), condoms are your best friend.
- If things get really desperate, tell him to take care of himself i.e. have a wank. Hey, guys do it all the time. And don't forget that you can take care of yourself too.
- There's lots of stuff on the internet, but this is a good place to start.
- You are not cheap if you have had sex with your boyfriend and you subsequently break-up. You had sex with him for whatever reason - it doesn't matter now, and it does not determine how you conduct yourself in future relationships.
- On that theme, just because you have had sex with someone - it doesn't mean that you have to stick with him if he turns into an asshole. It's not easy to walk away when you have invested so much into a relationship, but be strong. Believe in yourself.
- If your new boyfriend says - You had sex with him, but you won't have sex with me, that means you don't love me, don't let this influence you. At best - he feels insecure, in which case reassure him. At worst, he is using you. If someone puts a lot of pressure on you, tell him to get lost.