Saturday, April 21, 2007

Sex for the Single Brunei Girl

These two guys - Jack and LSM - have inspired me to blog about sex.

In particular, I'm talking to the young women out there who are still finding their way, (hopefully) enjoying their youth and trying to make sense of modern relationships.

I presume that you are going to have sex anyway. Of course the only foolproof way to avoid pregnancy is no sex. If you are having sex, there is always a risk but you can make it a much much smaller risk by using contraception.

I'm not going to even address the issues of morality or religion, because you probably get that all day long. And does it really help?

So, girlfriend, if you are going to fool around:
  • First and foremost, love yourself. By that I mean - think of yourself first. Just because he wants to shag you, doesn't mean he loves you. Do you want to have sex? Or do you want to make him happy?
  • Don't have sex without a condom. Don't. Really don't. The consequences far far outweigh the pleasure and you can catch all sorts of nasty diseases.
  • Remember that the guy is labelled a "rascal" while the girl is labelled the bitch-slut-whore-going-to-hell. It's just not worth it. Imagine how you will face your family and horrible relatives. Think of all the things that you want to do with your you really want to have a baby now? Think about money. How will you cope? Do you really want to end up marrying someone under these circumstances?
  • To be absolutely frank - do not let him put his penis into your vagina or even near your vagina without a condom. Don't believe him if he says he will pull out. What, stop when the pleasure is at its peak? Yeah right. Even if he says he can do it, the penis produces lubrication before ejaculation that can contain sperm. So you can get pregnant even if he doesn't come in you.
  • Condoms work. Do not believe anyone who tells you that condoms don't work. Men say that because they don't want to wear them. Religious youth leaders say that because they think that they can scare you out of sex by lying to you. OK, stats show that there is a 3% risk and sometimes they split - but if you are going to have sex (and you are not on the Pill), condoms are your best friend.
  • If things get really desperate, tell him to take care of himself i.e. have a wank. Hey, guys do it all the time. And don't forget that you can take care of yourself too.
  • There's lots of stuff on the internet, but this is a good place to start.
I'm an old married woman now, but I remember being a teenager very well. I specifically remember what manipulative bastards (some) men can be even at that age. So here are a few additional comments
  • You are not cheap if you have had sex with your boyfriend and you subsequently break-up. You had sex with him for whatever reason - it doesn't matter now, and it does not determine how you conduct yourself in future relationships.
  • On that theme, just because you have had sex with someone - it doesn't mean that you have to stick with him if he turns into an asshole. It's not easy to walk away when you have invested so much into a relationship, but be strong. Believe in yourself.
  • If your new boyfriend says - You had sex with him, but you won't have sex with me, that means you don't love me, don't let this influence you. At best - he feels insecure, in which case reassure him. At worst, he is using you. If someone puts a lot of pressure on you, tell him to get lost.


Eleanor said...

KE, this post should be printed and distributed to every 13 - 17 teenage girl in Brunei or elsewhere for that matter.. E.

jack said...

I agree with eleanor. Good advice. Especially about men. We men are really jerks sometimes, or even most times. Young girls really need to learn that.

Reeda said...

Thanks K-E. With daughters on the verge of hitting their teens, this piece is truly a shot in the arm for me.

I know what a manipulative jerk a hormone laden teenage boy (having been one meself heheh) can be especially kalau ya sudah makan kacang garan.

Am getting a headache just thinking about how I'm gonna handle this... uurrrgghh... thankfully still a couple more yrs to go...

Katie-Ella said...

Hi Guys! Thanks for the comments. I was bit worried about the post, I'm not aiming to stir up any controversial issues. I think it is important to discuss this, and especially for teenage girls who come under a lot of pressure from all sides.

amyheidi said...

I remembered being pressured by the ex when he kept mentioning he got condoms in his bag, and that was when I was 18.

I threatened him by telling him that my dad got a couple of black belts the first time he fogged the windows up.

That certainly stopped him from doing anything else!

By the way, K-E, when I thought of my biology lessons all those years ago, there is sex ed in Brunei. Read more in my post>here.

unharm6187 said...

Hullo KE.

I'm copying your post to the BruneiSex Ed [] blog, ya? Very informative. Free plug tu! hehehe.

Need your email btw, if you want to be a contributor. =)

Kelab Penyinar of Brunei Darussalam AIDS Council said...

Hi KE! Wow! We do need the public & the society to 'open up' to the 'apparently taboo' topic of "SEX". GOD! People think it's wrong to talk about sex to young people that u know, takut durang buat lah, influence them lah, it's against religion to talk about sex lah, yada yada yada etc! For once people, you're arguing about TO TALK OR NOT TO TALK about sexual related matters, yet our teenagers out there aren't well empowered & informed on HIV/AIDS, their own body & sex!

Put it this way: "Sex is like fire. It's good, it's hot & we need it. BUT, it's when you misuse or abuse it, all hell will break lose"

Keep it up guys!

un6 said...


I included your post in my Sex Ed blog under 'Sex Ed by Bruneians'. :)

armi said...

may i have ur attention please

first of all i would like to say "dosa atu nyaman" and "humans are weak" and “sex can be addictive”....

we are not perfect 100% and clearly it is impossible to avoid mistakes. however, if we strictly discipline our self from the beginning by following the way of a real muslim life styles, it can help to avoid all those problems from happening. So change ur mind set first.

Never the less, iblis, our true enemy.. is always around to weaken us. So Secondly try to WIN YOURSELF.

Third…Don’t destroy wat u have now. But let say u did, its not too late to TAUBAT ...because ALLAH is always listening and waiting..if u banyak buat dusa…lebih banyakkan lagi pahala..if can bawa sembahyang berjemaah as routines …dat helps alot…

final tip that can hopefully change ur mind set…don’t feel left behind, because living in akhirat is forever…parti dunia is nothing compare to parti akhirat(as gambaran)…so together we PERSUE TO HAPPYNESS.

bad thought comes from iblis..

armi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
armi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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MiSsKonsPiraSi said...

good advice dear..anyway dont have a sex before u married are the best answer if u wanna try it am i rite? drop here from malaysia.. have a nice day

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